OK, it wasn’t really that bad. But there were times I felt like it - there’s this episode of “The Simpsons” where Homer is putting in a barbecue pit and goes “Oh, why doesn’t mine look like this?” while looking at the perfect box photo.
So I was putting up plastic staples in my under-cabinet lighting to better hide the cords. It’s a cramped space. So I smash my thumb with the hammer. Twice. In the same spot. Putting in the same staple. A word starting with the letter “f” figured largely in my vocabulary, and it wasn’t “fun”.
Later, I called the phone company to move phone service from my apartment to the house. Last week when I called, they had the street address on file, but not my unit number. I don’t know how that happened, because the legal address is filed with the city and county to get a certificate of occupancy, E911 service, etc. Anyway, they found my address today, and the lady tried to push every BellSouth service known to mankind on me. Except DSL, which is unavailable in this part of Oxford. Which was too bad, because I was so close to wanting it…
So I’m watching TV this morning, waking up. Then sometime between 10:30 and 11:00am, all cable service goes out. My digital cable box, internet service, all gone. I figure service is out in this part of Oxford, and it certainly seems so whenever I call the Vista III Media office I get a busy signal. I finally go down there this afternoon. No, the cable’s not out, it'‘s just disconnected from my new address. What!? My new address has never had cable service. Well duh, it’s a new house. It’s funny that last week I needed them to move the service, the dude couldn’t find my house (no house numbers yet). And twice they forgot my cell phone number. But, everything worked last weekend when I plugged it in. The lady at the office said “Well, if everything'‘s working we don’t need to come out there.” Fine. Except for today someone decides to turn off my service! Yeah, we’ll still bill you the transfer fee, and someone will see you between 8:00 and 10:00am tomorrow. Wonderful! Except about 5:30 this afternoon stuff starts working again. No one still needs to show up, but someone probably will and say “magic!” You go into the computer and enable the service.
So that’s how Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen, Reservoir Dogs) felt with the lyrics “clowns to the left of me, jokers on the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with you”.