If you want to get on American Idol...

I admit, I watched the first two seasons: Kelly! Ruben! Some of season three was okay, but I didn’t watch any last year. I do watch the “cattle calls”, just to see the people who think they can get on the show.

Hanna’s ten rules for American Idol contestants:

  1. You gotta have a voice. Seriously. If you can’t sing, hold a note or a tune, don’t do it. Warbling ain’t singing.
  2. You gotta move. It’s about performance. You don’t need to stand there like Robert Smith (no offense, I love the Cure).
  3. It’s not gymnastics tryouts. You don’t have to move that much. If you perform gymnastics, you get out of breath and guess what - you’re not singing!
  4. Presence. You have to Own the stage and Fill the stage. No wallflowers here.
  5. Sexy, not trashy. Girls, you don’t need to hang it out from both ends.
  6. Performance, not Theatrics. No cabaret, drag-queen, or Shakespeare. Over-the-top belongs in theatre, not pop songs.
  7. You need a look. Rolling out of bed is not a look. And the camera must like you a little bit.
  8. It’s pop music, not The One Song You Can Sing. You’ve got to be versatile. The chorus from “I Shot the Sheriff” isn’t.
  9. It’s singing, not yelling. Volume is not a tune. You’re not singing Carmina Burana.
  10. No. More. Whitney. “I Will Always Love You” can only be sung by her. Don’t try it.